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Divorce and Children – The chat
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Divorce and Children – The chat

Divorce and children

Divorce and children 

Although we split up a long time ago, we have managed to remain friends too. But for a lot of reasons the kids Mum and myself remain technically married. So, why do I need to worry about talking about divorce and children?

Divorce has been a bit of a joke word since we split. We have spoken about it, even tried to act upon it several times. However, it has never actually come to fruition. 

Well until this week that is. When I received a formal letter from The Family Court at Bury St. Edmunds. Where on a certain date, the Judge held that

“the marriage has broken down irretrievable and decreed that the said marriage be dissolved unless sufficient cause be shown to the court within six weeks from the making of this decree why such decree should not be made absolute”

Followed by a general note stating 

“I have a decree nisi – What must I do next?”

Strong words, for such an expected occasion. 

Why now?

With it being 9 years or so since we split. We decided that the cheap route was the best option. We paid the court fees and filled the divorce application and waited. A couple of months passed and here we are. Proud owners of a decree nisi. And that is why I am now talking about divorce and children. 

Actually, it was a couple of years that passed. Long story short, my ex lost the original papers, lost the translation of our wedding certificate and then forgot all about it. It wasn’t until a recent property move when lost documents were safely reunited with the kids mum. 

This wasn’t our first attempt at getting divorced. In fact, we have attempted it several times over the years. So much so, that it has become a long-running joke amongst us and the kids, that pretentiously we could remain married forever. 

Cheap Option – Divorce and Children

As I mentioned before, after a certain period of time, you can apply to the court yourself and petition for divorce. With only the court fees to pay. Thus making it a lot cheaper, than using solicitors to act on your behalf. 

Our divorce story turned comical fairly quickly. Although we took the cheap route, it turns out it was still rather expensive. Especially as it took on a trip to Thailand in the process. But that’s another story, for another post. As it turns out, getting divorced is really difficult. 

Divorce and children

With it being such a family joke, I hadn’t really given it much thought about how I was going to talk to the kids about it. We haven’t been together for such a long time. Only the eldest actually remembers us being a couple. 

Receiving the decree nisi, which in turn will become absolute in around six weeks put a different spin on it. The joke had become real and I wouldn’t be able to just brush it to the side. 

I was going to have to have a grown-up conversation about a grown-up subject. 

Divorce and children
Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

The planning

To begin with, I thought it would be an easy chat with the kids. However, doubts started to appear. Would the fact that we remained friends (and married) for so long actually have had an effect on the kids? 

Dangerously, I headed over to Google. Where I was meet with a torrent of information, all of which scared the life out of me. And most of which wasn’t really applicable in our situation. Eventually, I did find some sound advice, printouts and tips as I reappeared from the wormhole that is google. 

Bring the Action – Divorce and children

So, what did I say? How did it go? 

In short, I don’t know. I haven’t done it yet. But I had a plan. I was now Baldrick.

I had a cunning plan.  

By definition, I am going to wing it. There it is. Simple!

I say wing it. I will be winging it with backup. However, I will be armed with answers to the predictable questions and willing, to be

Divorce and children
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

honest about the trickier side of questioning. How hard could this be? 

I think it will go well. After all, the kids mum and I are still friends. The kids know this. We all see each other fairly regularly and we have even been known to socialise together. There was even once talk about a divorce party, where we could have our last dance together, rather than the first dance. 

Queue The A-Team Music

I will let you know how it goes. By then, I will have progressed from Baldrick to John ‘Hannibal’ Smith. 

“I love it when a plan comes together”

But in the words of my  (very patient) Mum, at least it is done now.

 

 

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Part time Gardener | Part time Blogger | Dad

(2) Comments

  1. We’ll that all sounds like a right kerfuffle.

    But, as your Mum says, and all mums say it as it is… it is done now. You can look to your future without “divorce” hanging over you.

    Kids are quite resilient so I’m sure you and they will be fine.

    Good luck Hannibal

  2. Well best of luck when you have the talk. In reality, will you need much of a talk? You’ve lived apart for 9 years. I’m pretty sure your kids will be expecting it. Who knows, they might find it a relief Ian? Interestingly though, I’ve never heard of anyone having several attempts at getting divorced! I have been through the process myself (a long time ago) and it isn’t fun but well done on remaining on friendly terms.

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