One second


When did ‘give me a second’ become literal? I have used this phrase for as long as I can remember. But it wasn’t until I had kids that it would have ever occurred to me that it would ever become set in stone. I even tried the ‘give me a minute’ technique, only for this to be followed up with a very sarcastic slow count to sixty.

neon lights showing numbers 1 to 21 The eldest two have leant now, they ask me something and I respond with the give me a sec, they then wait patiently for at least 24 hours before re asking. I have them trained. However, her ladyship, who isn’t blessed with the most patience at the best of times, is still very much under training and at this point in time isn’t looking towards graduation for the forceable future. 

Little Lady: Daddy?

Me: Yes hun, one second please while I quickly finish this.

Little Lady: one, daddy?


Little Lady: Daddy?

Me: One second babes

Little Lady: It’s been one second already, it’s not fair! You always help the boys straight away.


Little Lady *turn’s and storms in to another room* You hate me!


Little Lady: Urghhhhhhhhh

Me: FFS, here we go again.

I should point out that this isn’t an isolated instance. This is common.  This is regular.

What gets me is, the other way round and it’s all forgotten. 

‘Hey beautiful, its time to get out of the bath”

‘oh, Daddy can I have a bit longer’

‘oh ok, five more minutes’

*72 minutes later* ‘come on babes, its time to get out’ (for the 72nd time)

‘Dad, just 5 more minutes’

*what I’m thinking* ‘do you hear me fu@£ing counting?’ *what i say* ‘you have five minutes, thats it’ (?). 

What have I  learnt? Kids are shit with time……. one minute to them could be a decade to us and a decade to us is a lifetime to them, so a minute to us all is too long and a second is?…………….. A second. 

……..but probably a second too long.


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